Last summer I realized that home just wasn’t home for me anymore. I felt that I didn’t belong there anymore and that no matter how hard I tried, I just won’t fit in. I feel too many eyes on me, judging me, just waiting for me to make a slip. True I’ve always felt the same way when I was growing up there, but somehow this time I actually feel the coldness of it all.

I dread going home. I dread the guilty feeling I’ll have once I’m there. I dread everything that would happen there that’ll make me feel like I’m abandoning them. Most of all I hate myself for letting them make me feel that way about myself.