It’s nice to having someone in the same situation.

It’s been a summer of problems. Not just for me but for the people around me as well. I’m not talking about problems resolvable within a short period of time, but those that keeps you staring into space thinking of what is to be done next. Problem is that, there doesn’t seem to be solution to these matters. There’s no running away from it. You either choose a different path or live with it - which of course aren’t really solutions at all and are only barely above whisper choices. 

Still it was nice to be able to talk about it with someone who turns out to be in the same situation; only maybe more fucked if you would excuse the pun. It feels like you have an accomplice to help turn things around, although of course there isn’t any turning around to do at all.But at least you feel that you’re not alone *Michael Jackson’s You are Not Alone comes to mind*. The worry and stress of the whole matter seems lesser for a moment in time.

I talked with C about the thing that’s currently plaguing me. Correction. Has been plaguing me for a long time, but has reached the beginning precipice to which downhill doesn’t seem to be insight. I guess I have to be glad that unlike him I have someone to share the problem with. This oversize burden that’s weighing me down. But of course I know that in the end I would be the one who would have to bow into pressure reluctantly. Responsibility. How I hate that word. It leaves no choice, because the alternative to it is turning your back.

It is the beginning of war. Battles in the future where the enemy is no longer my ambition, but the situation at hand. I’m beginning to feel it’s grip on me and I feel like a politician giving false reassurances to the people involved. Putting on this people’s smile just because I was born into the situation - not acquiring it on the way. 

So far, I’ve been great at wearing the smile. Next month, I’ll be tasting the first real taste of the situation. I don’t resent it. Maybe I won’t even have it any other way, because the alternative to it is losing a great big part of my life. But I’m far from embracing it yet.